Gardening according to the goddess of fertility & abunda

For anyone interested in gardening & a bit of light relief from the problems of this world

Postby arborlad » Sun Mar 22, 2009 4:36 pm

I'm sure Treeman wont mind me borrowing his words:


"Thank you for your words and for bumping this thread to the top of the page. I had forgotten how much I laughed when I first read this hilarious thread".
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Postby Trog » Sun Mar 22, 2009 9:17 pm

Holst2 wrote:Your rumour is simply another attempt to discredit bio-dynamics. It will disapoint you to learn that most bio-dynamic experts in the Uk remain fully clothed at all times.



I guess that rules out having a bath very often then.
Cats they crap on your drive, on your lawn and in your flower beds, they are vermin.
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Postby WILL*REMAIN*STRONG » Mon Mar 23, 2009 7:39 am

Holst2 wrote:"Will Remain Strong" ---- "Why have you taken such offence here?"

How would you feel if I insulted your spiritual beliefs???? Or do you not have any??? You should try to exhibit a little more understanding of others.


No offence taken Holst2, :) you are entitled to your beliefs.

If I have any beliefs, they are for me. I couldn't care less whether anyone else on the planet shares them or cares whether I have them.

T&C will no doubt come back to you on this one, I will have a wee before I read his undoubtedly funny and clever post. I think you are waiting with baited breath too. :wink:
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Postby Holst2 » Sun Mar 29, 2009 7:08 pm

"Trog:" --- More inane comments I see.

"Arbourlad" --- I have started another (Serious) topic and this is now at the top. - click here!!!

"Will Remain Strong:" --- I am most certainly not waiting for Thin and Crispy to post back. I hope never to see his posts again on this webssite.[/url]
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Postby thin and crispy » Sat Apr 11, 2009 2:43 pm

Holst2 wrote: I hope never to see [Thin and Crispy's] posts again on this webssite.

Hello again Holst2. Sorry to dash your hopes, but I saw that you were back on the forum and I just couldn't resist...

One thing puzzles me though - did you really have to wait until the next equinox before submitting your second post? I know that Biodynamic practitioners are governed by a rigid Astrological Calendar, but I find it very hard to believe you only allocate two days a year for talking boll*cks.


Holst2 wrote:Your rumour [of dancing naked around the compost heap] is simply another attempt to discredit bio-dynamics ... most bio-dynamic experts in the Uk remain fully clothed...

Most? Not all? :shock: Surely you don't mean the Biodynamic movement has a rogue Naturist element that brings the whole compost-worshipping thing into disrepute!

I don't blame you for wanting to keep it quiet, though. A bunch of saggy old lentil munchers "skinny tripping" round a bag of Levington is hardly going to win over the Frank Windsor Miracle-Gro sect is it?


Holst2 wrote:If we dont stop poisoning the Earth Global Warming will spell the end time of Mankind by 2033 --- unless the ... maniacs powering the Large Hadron Collider dont do it first!!!.

A fair point, well made Holst2! I can't fault your logic (mainly because it's unintelligible), but I do have a couple of questions:

1. How fast do these "maniacs" have to peddle in order to power the Large Hadron Collider?

2. Is 2033 definitely the official date for the end of Mankind? I'd heard it was scheduled for 1st April 2032.


Holst2 wrote:Today is the Dawning of Crywneth when Mother Earths axis is balanced upright in the cosmos. It is also the spring equinoxe...

What an incredible coincidence! I must say, though, that when it comes to planetary geometry you do seem to be talking out of Uranus. What do you mean by "balanced upright"? What if you viewed the Earth side-on? Which direction in the cosmos is "up"? Haven't you heard of Milankovich cycles?


Holst2 wrote:You cannot explain the cornerstones of spiritual science like aurae and hoemopathic healing. You cannot explain our oneness with Tha Nature Spirits, the certainty that they are watching...us and our experience of mystic realities.

I'll have a go, Holst2! In that order: gullibility; gullibility; gullibility; paranoia, and magic mushrooms. How did I do?


Holst2 wrote:...YOU cannot explain any mystical phenomenon in scientific terms. Even those which manifest in the physical reality...

The notion that science should be able to explain a nonsensical, non-existent phenomenon is almost as laughable as a nutless gnome.


Holst2 wrote:Very many high profile people support bio-dynamic practices and principles but they do not feewl the need to tell the public about their personal beliefs.

I must admit, it's difficult to understand their reluctance. :roll:


Holst2 wrote:Bio-dynamics was established millenia before modern farming practices...

Not bad going for something dreamt up in the 1920s! Or are you lot capable of time travel as well as yogic flying?


Holst2 wrote: ... farming practices and spiritual practices that have been in use since the Origin of Man over 10,000 years ago!!!

Is that your "subjective experience", Holst2? The reason I ask is that it doesn't seem to tally with "my reality":

The first Hominids: about 2.5 million years ago.
The first Ancestral Humans: about 1.8 million years ago.
The first Modern Humans: about 150,000 years ago.
The first farming in Britain: about 6000 years ago.

Image

Hmmm, I wonder where "homo biodynamicus" fits into the grand scheme of things.


Holst2 wrote:With regards to your obscene remark about gnomes... In fact the Text refers to the King Gnome beckonning the observer INTO THE SOIL!!! I suspect you have simply invented the reference to cucumbers.

And there I was, thinking you didn't have a sense of humour.


Holst2 wrote:Bio-dynamics does not need celebrity endorsements.

Who would you get to endorse it? All that mysticism, nakedness, stuffing your horn and chanting ... :idea: I wonder whether Sting would be interested. :wink:


Holst2 wrote:If you like Thin & Crispys posts you are clearly not an adult!!! Thyey are childish and superfitial because he / she clearly does not know how to hold a serious adult debate!!!

I covered the "serious" side of Biodynamics earlier in this thread - but, to be frank, it was far more than the subject deserves. Steiner's dim-witted doctrine is worthy of mockery, derision and even, dare I say it, a little humour - but certainly not serious debate.


Holst2 wrote:Bio-dynamic practices have been used ... right through to ... Tudor times.

Yes, I'm aware that the Tudors were a bit unusual. I came across this reference to Henry VIII's spiritual practices in one of the "ancient" Anthroposophical texts. It purports to be taken from a 16th century inscription found in the grounds of his palace - although I have to say that, if you carefully analyse the phraseology, stanzaic form and cultural references, it's provenance would appear to be somewhat questionable:


'Twas on this site that Kinge Henry soughte
To summon gnomes through power of thoughte.

With spell and poultice, faeries were conjured
As Henry partook of a magical fungus.

Ye Kinge didst croake in a voice slightly shaky:
"Far out man! This is good shi-take."

Then he rolled his eyes as if in pain,
And tripped his way to the tenth Astral Plane.


His highness soone began to chant
"Dicke of dog and knee of ant."

"Oh Elementals, hear my cries."
"Gnomes and Elves: Materialise!"

Then all of a sudden twelve gnomes appeared.
None had a head. 'Twas all very weird.

Cranially challenged, yet helmets so spangly,
Ye gnomes were also deficient of danglies.


"Well, bugg*r me backwards!", Kinge Henry proclaimed.
"It must be a thing science cannot explain!"

"Twelve tiny people all glowing like candles."
"And an uncanny urge to wear open-toed sandals."

Spliffed up and mushroomed, devoid of all tact,
Ye Kinge then mocked ye gnomes' genital lack...

..."They have no orbs! Ye reason twofold."
"They're ethereal beings, and it's verily cold!"...


Rude it was such comments to make.
But to laugh and to point was his biggest mistake.

Each gnome drew his sword, his shield and his axe.
Ye Kinge stood firm, but his sphincter relaxed.

Then came forth the Soniferous Ether.
"What are you bugg*rs all looking at me for?"

Speaketh ye Queene: "Sire, please don't panic."
"Ye gnomes are not real. They're biodynamic."


Ye Kinge was relieved, nay, overjoyed.
But he carried on talking out of his void...

..."Spiritual energies" and "radiant auras".
Forsooth, it was a loade of olde Taurus.

He spake of hornes and cosmic manure.
How it all worked, he wasn't quite sure.

Yet all of his visions were lifelike and vivid.
"He's stoned off his tits!" Anne Boleyn was livid.


"I willst show thee!" Kinge Henry thundered.
"See what happens when I stir Ye Five Hundred."

"'Tis six months since ye horne was planted."
"Full of manure", ye onlookers chanted.

"Ripe manure, all warm, rich and crumbling".
Ye Kinge was talking bovine bum-dumplings.

Now, into yon barrel ye crappe he mix'ed.
Ye crowd looked on. All were transfix'ed.


But as Henry didst stir, disaster didst strike.
What happened next he really disliked.

Crushing his doublet and nobbling his hose,
Ye barrel lid slammed heavily closed.

Ye cruelest chop, ye biggest of frights.
"Gadzooks! Forsooth, I've laddered me tights!"

He dropped his horne and ripe cow stoo'ls.
And vainly clutched ye Royal Crowne Jewels.


Yea, Henry didst panic and frantically prise
his codpiece so hard it brought tears to his eyes.

Air verily blue. Kinge verily frought.
And Anne Boleyn sniggered "His Hampton is Caughte".

~~~~~

And now, dear reader, if I may be so bold
To relate ye moral of ye tale as told.

Though a headless gnome might elicit a cackle,
Never take ye p!sse out of gnomes with no tackle.


. . . . . . An ode by ye quille (okay, keyboarde then) of Thinne and Crispie
:wink:

Holst2, what do you mean: "[I] have no ... poetry within any dimension of [my] soul"? I'll have you know that poetry gushes forth from the whole of my soul!

.
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Postby sindhu sati » Mon Apr 20, 2009 12:24 pm

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Postby thin and crispy » Thu May 07, 2009 10:15 pm

sindhu sati wrote:hi

Field turf

Artificial grass turf


It's not appropriate to post your advert here, sindhu sati. This thread is concerned with users of a completely different type of "grass".
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Postby WILL*REMAIN*STRONG » Thu May 07, 2009 11:27 pm

:lol: Very good t&c, loved your previous post too, very amusing. :lol:
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Postby thin and crispy » Fri May 08, 2009 12:34 am

Thanks Will. Glad it raised a smile.

I like your signature by the way: "What a beautiful world we live in". You've obviously never been to Smethwick.
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Postby WILL*REMAIN*STRONG » Fri May 08, 2009 10:41 am

thin and crispy wrote:Thanks Will. Glad it raised a smile.

I like your signature by the way: "What a beautiful world we live in". You've obviously never been to Smethwick.


I had to look that up, I had never heard of Smethwick. :oops:

It is a beautiful world, with the exception of what people have done to spoil it. :wink:
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Postby thin and crispy » Sun May 10, 2009 4:10 pm

I don't think many people outside the West Midlands have heard of Smethwick Will. I'm not sure what you found when you looked it up, but just in case you ever find yourself contemplating a visit, the following information might be useful to you:

Smethwick (pronounced "Smerrick" by many of the locals) is a small industrial town located in the east of the "bostin'" Black Country - just on the outskirts of Birmingham. The area has it's own quaint and peculiar dialect - e.g. "bum clink" means weak beer; "bonk" means a small hill (apparently); "cunger" means cucumber, and "grawrty dick" is also something you eat.

For a reason which I can't quite fathom, the local dialect has an overabundance of phrases to describe unpleasant people: "yawpin' stodger", "cankin' mawkin", or "chunderin' nointer".

After a mornin' in Smerrick yo'll be tannin' the land on yer rode wum. Ta-ra-a-bit!
.
Last edited by thin and crispy on Sun Jun 07, 2009 5:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby WILL*REMAIN*STRONG » Sun May 10, 2009 8:24 pm

It sounds a little mad to me, although we have our own funny made up sayings but I wouldn't repeat them to anyone else. :lol:

Perhaps the language your neighbour speaks is fairy? :wink: That is what drove the bees away most likely, he might have driven them insane and they all committed harry carry. :cry:
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Postby thin and crispy » Sun May 10, 2009 9:56 pm

WILL*REMAIN*STRONG wrote:It sounds a little mad to me, although we have our own funny made up sayings but I wouldn't repeat them to anyone else.

Oh go on! Please.

Those phrases aren't made up though Will. They're all genuine elements of the old Black Country dialect. It originated during the industrial revolution, but parts of it can be traced back to the English spoken during the times of Shakespeare and Chaucer. It is still spoken (in varying degrees, and mainly by the older generations) throughout the region west of Birmingham and south of Wolverhampton.

My neighbour refrains from using this dialect though. It originated amongst the workers of the industrial revolution and thus is far to old and common for his New Age, middle claaaass mouth.
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Postby Midori » Fri Mar 19, 2010 8:50 pm

I know this is old, but I laughed my socks off at it. :lol:

The New Age crowd are notorious for having little or no sense of humour when their 'pet' theories are concerned. I remember, as I was once (notionally) one of them, although I didn't have the Humourectomy!

Strangely, there is evidence of the Moon's effect on growing plants, although I haven't tried using the moonphases personally. (apparently, you plant for top growth when the moon is waxing, and for rootgrowth when it is waning) I don't currently have a garden, so I cannot vouch for it myself.
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Re: Gardening according to the goddess of fertility & abunda

Postby arborlad » Sun Apr 19, 2015 12:14 pm

............never miss an opportunity for good humour :D
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