Unpleasant Neighbour

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Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby flower34 » Wed Aug 30, 2017 10:36 pm

I am sure there has been alot of horror stories on here about neighours but thought i would add mine to the list. I registered yesterday after years of just being a reader to the blogs but now i am desperate,

I have an elderly neighbour that lives on her own. She has lived there for 58 years and me about 14. Over the years she has always corrected me in anything i do such as if i have visitors and she doesnt like where or how they have parkeds (no lines in road) everyone has their own drives. She comes round after they have gone and tells me to tell my visitors how and where they should park according to her.
If i leave my bins out too long after the dustman have been she will move my bins accross my drive to make a point of taking them in and if i dont take them in she will wait until it is dark and go out there and slam shut my bin lids to make a huge noise.
if i put my garden waste bags on the grass verge but not on the footpath to obstruct the path she moves them onto the path and says i am obstructing the path. She denys she does any of this. Most of it is done whilst i am out though but she has been spotted doing it. its gone on for years.
Back in 2004 to 2011 i kept asking her to clear out her gutters at the back of the house as she was blocking my side and causing rain water to over flow and hit my wall. By 2011 enough damage was done to my wall by all this. For years she denied it had anything to do with her she was so adimate that she had professionals coming round each year and clearing them. I new this wasnt the case and confronted her many times over the years with this and she kept lieng about it. I then got to 2011 and paid a professional to a inspect her gutters from my side of the house by going on the roof. She hadnt done them for years. i went immediately round there and had a blazing row with her to say why she had been lying all these years. she gave the excuse that she had built a glass conservatory out the back and now it was impossible to clear them out. I said she should have thought about that before putting up the conservatory.
Tonight i learnt from a neighbour that she disputed her fence as being their fence a while back and refused to pay for a new one. The neighbour didnt want to cause any more stress on the situation so they paid for the new fence,

SInce i have owned this house she has been cutting over my fence holes in my hedges and heights of my hedges (red robins) for years. I can no longer go into my garden front and back as i know she is watching us (we have seen her and so have the neighbours) because as i have become clever with the holes in my hedges i can see that she can completely see into my garden from every window in her house now. i changed my front garden boundary fence from a 3 ft to a 6 foot and now she cuts above that and also now does drive bys and sits outside my house looking all over my property. She is extremely unpredicatable in when she does this. But mainly waits until i go to work because if i have a day off i see it happening alot. ALso that is when she is mainly cutting my hedges front and back. She sits in her shed at the end of the garden looking straight into my property. Our gardens are 4 feet lower than our houses so when you come out of the back door you can see alot of our gardens. The local council say i cant build a fence higher that 2 meters and everything i plant she cuts. What can i do to have some privacy. I also have a small corner plot garden. Hers garden is big. Can anyone adivse my what to do with this type of chaaracter apart from move......

ps she has made coments like 'how do you afford to live in that big house!! so she is clearly jealous. she also doesnt like the fact that i have a special needs child and has made it very clear ot his face that she finds him vile etc. She has threatened me with social services etc and would lie about anything a she has made that clear. So getting the police involved doesnt seem the right way to handle this. COnfronting her she lie and denys. Nighbours wont say anything because they say shes so old and dont want to upsent her, She snarls at us but everyone else she is as sweat as pie. She bangs on a inside walls if she doesnt want to hear say laughing of tv or radio. We are not noisey family and i make sure the kids are pretty quiet other kids in the nighbours are louder.

Can anyone suggest what to do. thank you and sorry its so long.
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Re: Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby ukmicky » Thu Aug 31, 2017 12:33 am

Move
Advice given is not legally qualified and you are advised to gain a professional opinion
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Re: Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby stufe35 » Thu Aug 31, 2017 7:39 am

There is a great saying..good fences (in this case tall solid ones) make good neighbours !

Follow this link and read the whole of this is order , its heavy going at first but please persevere in order ,and see if it resonates with you.


https://www.nfh.org.uk/beyond-mediation/

Id be interested if you think it reflects your situation and hence helps you.
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Re: Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby Eliza » Thu Aug 31, 2017 2:37 pm

I get where you're coming from. My next door neighbour is elderly and many people think she's sweet/harmless/etc/etc and I know she is a veritable "Jekyll and Hyde". They get the "sweet little old lady" act and don't see what it's actually like to live next door to her. Add that she is a "local" and I'm not.

The way to deal with these characters is to make sure one is absolutely correct as to how things are/should be done to the nth degree. Ignore what they perceive as an advantage - ie old/local - and remember they arent advantages at all (no matter how much neighbour wishes to perceive them as being that) and remember/remember/remember that they are elderly and the sheer fact that they are means they won't be there very much longer with "nothing to do and all day to do it in".

You've just got to try and be as patient as possible and sooner or later she will be gone anyway.
Apologies for not giving exact personal details in my posts - you never know who is reading....
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Re: Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby arborlad » Thu Aug 31, 2017 2:58 pm

Eliza wrote:I get where you're coming from. My next door neighbour is elderly and many people think she's sweet/harmless/etc/etc and I know she is a veritable "Jekyll and Hyde". They get the "sweet little old lady" act and don't see what it's actually like to live next door to her. Add that she is a "local" and I'm not.

The way to deal with these characters is to make sure one is absolutely correct as to how things are/should be done to the nth degree. Ignore what they perceive as an advantage - ie old/local - and remember they arent advantages at all (no matter how much neighbour wishes to perceive them as being that) and remember/remember/remember that they are elderly and the sheer fact that they are means they won't be there very much longer with "nothing to do and all day to do it in".

You've just got to try and be as patient as possible and sooner or later she will be gone anyway.




Ah - isn't that sweet, what a remarkably nice person you are.................
arborlad

smile...it confuses people
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Re: Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby span » Thu Aug 31, 2017 3:52 pm

arborlad wrote:
Eliza wrote:I get where you're coming from. My next door neighbour is elderly and many people think she's sweet/harmless/etc/etc and I know she is a veritable "Jekyll and Hyde". They get the "sweet little old lady" act and don't see what it's actually like to live next door to her. Add that she is a "local" and I'm not.

The way to deal with these characters is to make sure one is absolutely correct as to how things are/should be done to the nth degree. Ignore what they perceive as an advantage - ie old/local - and remember they arent advantages at all (no matter how much neighbour wishes to perceive them as being that) and remember/remember/remember that they are elderly and the sheer fact that they are means they won't be there very much longer with "nothing to do and all day to do it in".

You've just got to try and be as patient as possible and sooner or later she will be gone anyway.




Ah - isn't that sweet, what a remarkably nice person you are.................


Simple fact though.
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Re: Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby mr sheen » Thu Aug 31, 2017 5:15 pm

Typical nosey neighbour that many people know.
Whilst her behaviour is annoying, it isn't actionnable.
So ...either put up with it ....or move.
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Re: Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby flower34 » Thu Aug 31, 2017 10:01 pm

Gosh!! My future seems bleak!!!

Kids are not able to ignore her and refuse to go out and then the special needs one cries alot.

I cant believe that something like a free standing say washing line with perhaps a pondliner draped over it might perhaps work. If i stake it into theground? Or lean some ladders with tarpoline over them against my fence. It will be over the 2 meter tule but they wont be fixed. To the fence just leant.

The kids cant suffer cause of her pyscho ways. Heavy reading by the way.
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Re: Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby stufe35 » Fri Sep 01, 2017 7:41 am

Did you recognise your neighbour when you read it. ?

For years I couldn't understand my neighbour , his demands and pettiness seemed not just unreasonable but unbelieveable. I then stumbled across that article and I just recognised my neighbour so much as I read it. Ive gone from hating him to feeling sorry for him because he is ill. It has helped me enormously to deal with the pathetic way he goes on. I feel even sorrier for his wife.
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Re: Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby flower34 » Fri Sep 01, 2017 9:22 am

Yes i do recognise this. I have felt very sorry for her for years. My dad was also one of these but luckily my mum divorced him when i was 9 and i disowned him as a child. So i knew what she was but i suppose cause i dont want my kids feeling the effect like i have done. I was hoping i could do something. To block her out. My dad never went over a fence ti do anything to anyones property. But he did do some awful things to prevent his neighbours and us having a regular life.

I was hoping for some sort of fabric barrier or something.
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Re: Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby Eliza » Fri Sep 01, 2017 1:31 pm

I've just read my way through that article linked to - and was nodding in agreement throughout it - and thinking "Yes....thats my NFH being described there".

Out of the suggestions in it, then the sunglasses one is a good one. The ignore them if at all possible one is a good one. Definitely the putting up a fence in between you if at all possible and I was thinking that now I know why some people have cemented in poles in between their fence panels.

I've got a very definite barrier up now in between my nfh and myself and they could only get into my garden now by walking around and being very visible with their trespassing. It has helped a LOT. They were forever peering over on the one hand in an aggressive fashion or behind my back shifting my garden stuff around. There were days when they shifted my stuff around in my garden several times and I'm still blowed if I can really figure out why they did this.

So, if no other way seems to be available to put up a barrier, then some material would be one way. However, I'd advise that it was done in a way that makes it look as if you meant it to be that way anyway. It's currently fashionable, for instance, to put up weatherproof sail type things and maybe one of them would be possible? Otherwise, then perhaps one of those large planters with trellis attached to the back of them and then put plants growing up that trellis (maybe in pots?). Another possibility would be pots with bamboo in. I say pots because some types of bamboo can be pretty invasive and I wouldnt put any in my garden other than in pots personally.

There are those roll-out rattan type things and bamboo roll-out type fencing and that could be something you might have decided to do of yourself. So perhaps have a look on Amazon and you will find really sturdy wood poles on there and you could buy some of these and shove them down into soil on the border and then attach some roll-out type bamboo fencing to them?

Further thought being that it's difficult to prevent a neighbour trimming a hedge, but you could possibly get some large shrubs of the fast-growing type put in pots just in front of the hedge and she couldnt trim them without obviously trespassing into your garden.
Apologies for not giving exact personal details in my posts - you never know who is reading....
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Re: Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby jonahinoz » Fri Sep 01, 2017 5:59 pm

Hi,

I was going to suggest that you try treating her like she is simple, and perhaps deaf. Make her feel to embarrassed to talk to you. But I won't, in case I get chastised. :D

602
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Re: Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby flower34 » Fri Sep 01, 2017 11:03 pm

she avoids talking to us> she walks in the house quickly or gets in her car quickly or rings someone to come round. she does everything from either inside her car or when we are out. or when she thinks we are out and doesnt hear us walking around as we are semi detached.

She knows what she is doing is wrong but seems scared when confornted and just denies everything

Even though she does what she does she makes sure no one is about, I bumped into her is a supermarket recently and when i politely brought up something she had clearly done a friend of mine walked over and she clammed up and said i will only talk to you on your own and walked off.
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Re: Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby MacadamB53 » Fri Sep 01, 2017 11:26 pm

ukmicky wrote:Move
+1
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Re: Unpleasant Neighbour

Postby SwitchRich » Tue Sep 26, 2017 1:41 pm

Have you thought about some CCTV?
It may not stop the behaviour but it would allow you to build up some evidence if you ever wanted to press for an injunction or for harassment.
Wireless CCTV cameras and the recording devices are cheap these days.
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