Ageing and anger over control of surrounding environment.

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zhuffzilla15
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Jul 16, 2018 11:41 am

Ageing and anger over control of surrounding environment.

Post by zhuffzilla15 » Mon Dec 10, 2018 4:16 pm

I have lived in my new property for nearly two years now and my elderly next door neighbours have taken a strong dislike to me almost from day one (but from speaking to other neighbours they are also pretty quarrelsome with everyone) but I feel that their anger is more likely related to the ageing process rather than a personal attack against me, I was wondering what the best way to go around getting support for them?

My neighbour has complained to me numerous times since we have moved in but looking back almost all of the complaints seem to be about something outside of their control, a few examples:
  • They get angry at anyone who parks outside of their property (it is a public street with no restrictions).
  • They trim their own hedges but also hedges on my property by leaning over the boundary - when I ask them to stop they get angry and tell me things like I have no right to stop them.
  • They get angry at the binmen if the bin isn't put back exactly in front of their property (I have seen them stand next to the binmen and take the bin from the back of the truck numerous times).
  • Recently we had builders over and they started shouting at them because of the drilling noise (it was less than 2 hours on a weekday and was the first time we had made any loud noises in the house).
  • Countless times I have been beckoned over and told something is wrong with my garden (sometimes things like mess, sometimes things like attracting too many starlings by putting bird food out).
Over the last year I have just come to accept that I have neighbours on the grumpy side and have generally ignored it (both in their early/mid 80s) but recently their behaviour has become aggressive, they have started swearing and shouting at me and demands are starting to become more constant and much more one sided (sometimes they have beckoned me over just to tell me off but get upset / raise their voices with me if I try and speak back to them) so more recently I have just started to put my headphones in when I am outside and tend to ignore them.

I always try and give them space, let them say their piece usually either apologies or just let them have their say and get on with my day (I work in an environment with lots of patients with learning difficulties so am aware of avoiding conflict and diffusing aggressive behaviour etc)
but this is starting to get towards a point that I am constantly aware that my neighbours are almost out to get me and are finding fault almost anything.

Looking back I think that this behaviour is less of a personality quirk and more related to some of the symptoms of age related disorders such as dementia so I was wondering what might be the best way got get support for them?

Reporting them to the Police seems to be a bit heavy handed and will almost certainly make the situation worse but I am not aware of any other people I could speak to about this issue as I am not related to them and am not a carer.

mr sheen
Posts: 2324
Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 2:33 pm

Re: Ageing and anger over control of surrounding environment.

Post by mr sheen » Sat Dec 15, 2018 9:09 am

Best to ignore everything and all the trivial nonesense you describe and get on with your life. Awkward neighbours is not confined to a specific age and these appear to be difficult neighbours that are best dealt with by ignoring them.

However, you not have to tolerate behaviour that may come under the criminal justice system. There is a line at which the Police should be called (irrespective of their age - all adults are responsible for their own behaviour) such a line is if you are subject to verbal abuse with swearing and intimidation in public since it may be a breach of the peace or if you are subject to a specific threat.

It is nice to be concerned about elderly people where they are vulnerable and need your help. However all elderly people are adults and responsible for their own actions and have the RIGHT to manage their life how they wish. You cannot force them to get any help, that is none of your business and you have no right to be trying to assess how the ageing process may or may not be affecting how these adults manage their lives.

If the people have family then a quiet and polite word with a family member may be warranted but you need to assess whether that may make things worse.

siteone
Posts: 60
Joined: Tue Aug 08, 2017 12:34 pm
Location: Southampton

Re: Ageing and anger over control of surrounding environment.

Post by siteone » Mon Jan 07, 2019 8:09 am

They have dementia bless them, but the support isnt there for the lower levels.

Maybe do ask the police for advice as mr sheen has suggested from the police who might get them more support if needed. Sadly for us all they are the only route to go.

Personally I dont talk to my neighbours and I feel the best route to go, its not chelsea flower show, its a home my home.

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